Who is raising your child?

The age old SAHM vs. working Mom debate.  Personally I don't think it needs to be so heated.  It seems that whichever you are, you are opposed to the alternative.  Its SO easy to offend when discussing the merits of both routes.  Being a little of both I think I'm qualified to speak from both sides of the coin.  I would not have a child if he would have to spend more time with another caregiver than me.  Translation, I would never work full time.  What if I had no choice you ask?  It would break my heart, but I would rather have my children in this world than not at all.  If a relative could watch them, even part of the time, even better.  What if I had the option to stay at home full time?  I would take it but only if their was enough padding in our finances to allow for sanity breaks.  I'm only talking a few hours to myself to exercise every other day.

What really kills me is women who don't want to spend much time with their children.  I have friends that work full time and even hire daytime sitters on the weekends.  Kids need their parents.  Bottom line.  One friend told me she doesn't feel guilty because children don't have a long term memory until age 4 or 5.  What?!  Hello!  So maybe it is your biological child, but someone else is teaching them right and wrong.  Another adult is teaching them love, kindness, and the rules of our society.  Someone else is teaching them to sit, walk, run, ride a bike, play candy land and hopscotch.  She would argue that she was raised by the mother's helper that lived with them, while her own mother was off to luncheons, fundraisers and PTA meetings.  Just because you were raised that way doesn't mean it was the best for you.

Full time SAHM's how do you do it?  In my mind this truly is the hardest job (to do well) in the world!  You have to have endless patience and put yourself second 23 hours a day.  I work 3 days a week.  The two days I'm home I just love and treasure, but they also exhaust me and test my spirit.  During certain phases its a constant battle not to loose my cool with my toddler.  But I know how important these days are to my children and I put myself second all day long on those days.  Sure I tackle laundry, cleaning and food prep while my children play on their own, but I also spend quality time with them.  Whatever they want to do I make sure to devote solid, uninterrupted time to.  No computer, no cell phone, no other distractions.  Just me and my child reading, laughing over a silly game we invented or having a picnic for stuffed animals.

In the spectrum of my whole life, my children's early years (birth to age 5) are a drop in the bucket.  I agree they are the hardest years.  Sleep deprivation, less than 1 hour a day just for me, a messy, cluttered house full of toys, a car with crumbs everywhere, tamtrums, whining, etc.  Its hard!  But these years are flying FLYING by.  My baby is already 5 months old.  My daughter is almost 3.  Before I know it we'll be free of nap schedules and able to more easily adventure into the mountains together.  I constantly remind myself to enjoy these small toes, savor my children needing me, breathe in their smells and take as many hugs as they'll give.  Because tomorrow is promised to no one and a day will soon come that my children will outgrow their perch in my arms.

Democrat or Republican

I'm going for the jugular with this first post.  Politics is the one issue I am terrified to discuss and actually don't have opinions on.  This will be my greatest challenge with this blog, having an opinion on politics.  My father is passionate about politics.  So much so that he is known to become infuriated at social events when people raise this issue.  I've witnessed him calmly but curtly ask for the subject to be dropped.  When people don't immediately heed his warning he can turn into a monster that ruins the event and create an awkward pin-drop silence in the room.  This is the main reason why I shy away from political rhetoric.  It also somewhat bores me which doesn't help matters.  I'll revisit this issue someday, but for now I'm going to fail to express an opinion.  Its second nature!

Need a Laugh?

11 step program for anyone contemplating having children.

 Would the author of this please come forward?  Must forward this to my Wall Street brother so he knows what he's signing up for...

Lesson 1

1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have half your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2

Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...

1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.

Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3

A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...

1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive).

Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4

Can you stand the mess children make? T o find out...

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5

Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.

1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.

Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6

Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.

1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
2. Leave it there.
3. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
4. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7

Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8

1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9

Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10

Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11

Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

Remember, a sense of humor is one of the most important things you'll need when you become a parent!